waste of space

I guess part of me just doesn't really understand how you could fall so hard into drugs and drinking, and i say only part. I do realize that yeah, it becomes addicting, and it becomes a crutch in a persons life, but that seems to happen after a while. I don't understand how, in the beginning stages, you could let yourself do that. I know that you for the most part have a somewhat clear mind, do you not think "hey..this could quite possibly be a bad idea, screw over the people around me and make me a complete dick.", did that not cross your mind? it seems obvious. You end up screwing over everyone around you, you cause nothing but trouble and become nothing but a burden to the people around you. How are you ok with being considered that? A burden. A problem. Someone to be avoided by not only family, but your own friends. It infuriates me. But what makes it worse is that you actually don't care about who you hurt, emotionally, physically or financially. All your doing is throwing your own life away, everyone has tried to pull you back to the surface and all you do is dive right back in, and now, everyone has given up. A lost cause is what you've become, your the only one who can pull your self out now but i'm sure you wont. You never do. This is what its all become, part of me hates you, and i'm positive always will, but part of me has the slightest hope that you'll pick yourself up, but a bigger part of me knows you wont. So how do you not think to your self that "maybe i should stop, maybe i should stop screwing everyone over?". if you keep on the way you are, you'll end up dead or in jail for something horrific, i'm sure. You know the damage your doing, you know whats happening, it's your choice. That's what i don't understand, that at some point, you have a choice to continue to waste space or to stop, and you don't stop.