Just thinking about death

I think thinking about death is something we always try to avoid, it's too hard, too difficult to accept. Live in the now, right? But I can't help but to sit up right now and think of death. A friend of mine from choir, A, who is by all means the nicest, most creative, totally not evil, hippie-esque girl I've ever known has lost someone. She is the kind of person who brings positive feeling and light into a room. The type of person who if anyone were to make her cry, a mob of people would come to her rescue and kick the ass of whoever did it. Though we haven't spoken since high school (2009) were on each others social networks. Well, her long time boyfriend, who she was with for a couple of years, who she traveled with to India, Budapest, Europe, spreading the word of their god, but never in an obnoxious in your face way, has passed away. He died. He was ill. And I can't help but feel this utter sadness overcome me, because she must be in pieces. All I can think, picture, or feel, is the heart break she must be going through. Because she loves him. And I know that if that happen to me, I would be more then heart broken, I'd be completely inconsolable. Id be torn apart. To lose your love, your best friend, the person who you thought would be your one and only? The utter thought tightens my throat. And for this to happen to someone as nice as her makes me so mad. Confused. It leaves me asking why? The always unanswered question that follows any hard death. Why. I hope she will one day be ok. Wtf universe?

Death is always unfortunate news.

Death can be a very tricky situation. No one ever really knows how to feel, every one is confused and asks questions. why? how? how could i have prevented it, why didn't they ask me for help, why didn't we talk more. Just stop. Stop now because kicking yourself wont change anything, it not your fault, no matter how much you feel it is, its not. You know you go though life and you don't really acknowledge death a lot, not until its thrown in your face and you have no where to turn so your forced to deal with it. Don't think your alone, dont think no one will ever understand this horrible strange feeling that found its way inside you, everyone, everyone on the fucking planet will at some point have to deal with death. Family thats instant or long distance, friends who are like family or even ones we've grown apart from, loved ones who will always have places in our hearts. We all experience loss at some point. I lost my grandpa and at first it didn't hit me, but once it sunk in a few days i cried, but only once i was alone. I could have called someone, talked about it but you see i deal better with things alone and thats fine, but for most people talking about it, about the person you lost, the memories, it can help. So go talk to someone, write it down like i did! scream your heart out when no one is around! say something out loud so you don't go crazy in your own head. And you know what? you will feel slightly better, some part of you will say "i'm ok", but you will still feel sad, you will still hurt and guess what? you will for a while. So just let it all out, run, turn your music up loud, find a punching bag and beat the fuck out of it! Anything will suffice. Just don't hold it all in, you'll just end up in pieces that way. A friend of mine, a few friends actually, just lost someone, and they've yet to find out what really happened to their lost friend, so if you end up reading this, im sorry your feeling like shit right now, but, it will eventually, in time, get better.

We've all lost something.