You know how theres always that person who you will always love, but you hate them too. Because you gave them pretty much your all, and when you knew it just couldn't happen any more, when you were just tired of being trapped in that tiring time loop, they decide oh well im ready now i love and want you. And as much as you will always love them, its not in that same way, its not that - i want you every minute of everyday- love, its, a stale love you forgot about, one thats rotted. And you feel bad, for the turn down, for actually saying no to them for once, but you feel that strength in your self too. You know in your head, you cant and will never go through that again. And you restrain from speaking once again, because its the only way it can ever be. Their a chapter thats closed, but they should be a book with a lock placed in the restricted section. That is beyond more suitable. I cant help but have that chapter seep into my mind every once in a while, triggered by a piece of music, or some object laying around. it happens, its annoying but it happens. its even more annoying because you remember everything and wonder, why did i put up with that obvious bull shit? its annoying because you know how well that person knows you, more than anyone, they know what every shift of your body means and its the worse. its just an annoying thought to me now, looking back and wondering why didnt i save myself from it all. But i think about the now and i know its all good now,lifes good, people are good and im good. There are some things i dont have yet, things i want, people i want to be closer to that are distant in many ways, but the river is still flowing for me. Im writing right now to vent, and out of boredom, so if anyone actually reads this, sorry if it bores you haha.
I need something amazing to happen sooner rather than later, im not going to say what, ill jinx it, but if it dose ill let my invisible and non-existent audience know as soon as i can.
tonights a boring night,but the weather thats been happening lately makes me want to stay in, humidity and I dont get along very well.