Friday, September 3, 2010
Everything Will Be Ok.
“Why do we feel it’s necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?.. That’s when you know you’ve found someone really special: when you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably share silence.”
Its the complete fucking truth isnt it? I know exactly what it means. You know, when its fucking 4am, your both half asleep, but silent. And its ok, its comfortable, almost like their right next to you. You would rather be silent on the phone with them falling asleep, then hangup. And when you do have to finaly hang up, its up there on that list of Worst-Feelings-Ever. I think one of the best feelings i've had, is when your with that someone you care about most in the world, and your just laying there with them, enjoying the fact that your together, relishing in each others presence. Not remembering you have to leave the next day, that you wont see them for a long while and that the minute you leave, you'll be counting the minutes until you see them again. No you dont think about that, see, that moment seems to go on forever. Fucking bliss dude.
But then reality snaps back
And your half way home.
i had a really decent day today. Mainly since i have money now, yay tips!i work again on sunday. Today, i hung out with tasha and lynne, went to the mall for a bit, saw that movie "going the distance" and i sooooo suggest you go see it! warning, if your in a long distance relationship, or missing someone far away, this will make you miss them 10x more, lol.
So, the second journal for the class is all written up,its not too long either. I think its pretty much the same lenth as the last. the third will be fairly long though.
A secret is something that tears you up inside, when you think about it you become nauseated, you feel dirty and you want to scream. I know that every person on this planet has a secret of their own. Many never tell a soul, but they go over what happened in their head over and over again. I have a secret, I’ve kept it for 14 years now. I’ve tried to console to people about it, tried to get it out of my mind, and sometimes I truly forget about it. I fear what will happen if I reveal my secret, what will that person think. I know now, now that im olde,r its not my fault, but a piece of me will always feel that it is. Mainly, Ill always feel that way because I never told anyone, I should have. This secret is one that I would be relived to share, but I just cant yet. I’ve tried numerous times, but I still can’t. I’m just not ready to entirely admit what happen. I don’t know to whom I would be comfortable telling it to though, a stranger maybe. Someone I won’t have to see every day, I won’t have to look at them and wonder if their thinking about it. Nothing will become of this secret once its let loose; no one can do anything about it. It has been too long, it’s the past and its unchangeable. I don’t even think I myself will feel better or relieved about it, I assume I would be, but I can easily be wrong. I think about this, and I cringe, if I can hardly think about it without breaking, how can I say it aloud to someone. Idealized secrets of your self are easier to tell, they don’t hurt to think about. Secrets that degrade you, the ones that truly haunt you when your alone, those are the hardest to tell.
God these topics just make you want to write,
Im loving this English class!
I wonder how many people read my itty bitty blog, i dont really have a way of knowing. I mean, i have that page counter, but i wonder who lol, whoever it is! leave a message on the chat box down there to the right, i never use that effin' thing
like ever lol
give me something good to write about, yeah?
:]ok, im off
but ill be around the interwebs!