Tuesday, September 7, 2010
What will you be.
So i worked sunday and monday all day, whoo tips! haha, So today i had class at 8am, i woke up and it was all yellow outside, a deep yellow. And i thought to myself,oooh man its going to storm haha. English was ok, boring just did alot of correcting. I think im more interested in writing the journals, their quite interesting.
So after class i was going to just wait for my second class to start but i didnt want to wait there for 3 hours, so i came home. And right when i get home it starts pouring! So by the time it came around to leaving for my 2nd class it was still all stormy, and my mom freaked cause she dosent like me driving at all, let alone drving in the rain so! here i am, home.
Wrote up the third journal, needto print some papers, watching Angels&demons, its still raining bad too. I was going to go to Pita today to eat lunch with Alek, but i dont know if we should anymore if its going to be like this all day you know lol. Damn i wanted that spinach Burek bad though.. lol,
i want hot chocolate,
no! i want lynnes hot chocolate
its better >_< haha
so heres the journal,
Something that horrified my parents was my mind. From maybe 6th grade to my junior year in high school, I was a very different person. In the beginning it started as me just not caring much about anything, life, people, and classes. I was a bit dark, and I was sad. I’ve never been sure why I was so sad, because I had not a thing to be sad about. I was healthy; I had friends, a home, both parents. I was depressed, and I began doing unforgivable things to myself. I tried many times to tell my parents how I felt, how I knew something was wrong with me. They saw how sad I was everyday, tried to cheer me up too. Though, I think subconsciously they knew what was happening, and they just didn’t want to accept what was wrong. I scared them. When I finally demanded help, real help, my mom simply asked “cant you just pretend to be happy? Then maybe it will happen.” . I know she met well, but those few words stuck with me. This situation that happened keeps me feeling guilty, its why I try so hard in everything I do now. I guess I see it as a “im sorry”, for scaring them. This is something that was naturally forbidden to talk about. It was never said out loud, but we knew to never talk about it. I know its just something they want to forget, I feel like they worry now when im upset. They are afraid of what happened, but their not afraid to ask anymore. Though they became more involved in me, they didn’t approve of everything. There were ways of life that were quietly out of the question. I consider them typical parental belief/rules, don’t do drugs, don’t drink, gay is not good, believe in god, go to church, go to school. So of course, I broke every one of those rules. I decided if i hadn’t tried it, maybe I should, and I did. And I told my parents about it, I didn’t lie because I had no reason to. I wanted to be open with them even if they didn’t like what they heard, and they respected me for that.
So thats that.
ok, and i thought this picture was hilarious!
Someone just decided to put it on someones little post, i promise to do this one day :] haha!
ok, i think ill be taking my leave now
:] goodbye people i like the most because you read the bloggity! Its what the cool kids do.